ToDaY I ReAliSeD SoMeThInG WhIcH BliNd Me FoR LoNg
Monday, March 21, 2005, 10:56 PM
Finally, today i realised that why am i so stupid? why am i always blaming my bros for not being there for me? that becuz i have nv been there for them b4. i have nv been there when they are down. im always trying to act strong, act as if im fine. im such a failure. thought i can put on a mask, hide all my feelings from them thinking that i would not be a burden to them. i was completely wrong! i did even tried to get into their world. im always being so selfish! why? i thought i know them very well but its like i only know their skin not their flesh n bones. its like eating an apple skin with its flesh, it bitter! i dun like this kind of feelings. i hate it. bros, if u can hear me, can u forgive me for wad i have done? being such a selfish me. dan, syl, kenny, cal, bian, derek will u guys forgive me? i wanna go back to the past where i have all my bros around me, with melissa by my side, annabella as my god sis. all i want is a time reverse! all i ask for. why ppl always get wad they wanted, why cant i? am i the chosen one to be like this? guys, can u all forgive me for wad i have done? i dun wanna be so strong infront of u guys anymore. pls, forgive me!
Haiz....its been so long
Wednesday, March 16, 2005, 12:36 AM
Haiz....my blog. its been so long since i last wrote on u. sorry hope u can forgive me for that. if only u r alive, a real person be it a diff or same sex, u will always be my best pal. a pal that will nv leave me. a true pal. haiz....its been 3months plus, still i cant forget her. why? this question has been passing through my mind countless. on monday, i been to plaza sing, a place which i have lots of memories abt her. that when i notice that i still cant get over her but will she know it? will she care? have i tried to forget her? WHY?!!! why?? :'( im really tired of putting a strong front infront of everybody already. even my broz cant c that im upset or wad. sometimes going out i still feel sad but i put up a front which everybody will not notice am i happy or not? today was flag day, i went to suntec. the place itself too brought me many many memories. places like sky garden, the cinema, the puzzle shop, cold storage, many many memories. memories of that she telling me that suntec is a curse place for us as we tend not to get close, a curse place that we do not talk to each other. why!!! why all this have to happen? wad can i do to get her back? pls! tell me pls. im willing to scarifice anything for u, just to get u back by my side. let me treasure u, love u and care for u like the past. till this point of time, i have given up my god sis, hoping that god will exchange u for her, given up my prefects, give up my life except feelings for u, why cant u still feel it? do i really have to live without u or die for u? why? i just dun understand life. y arent i given a second chance to treasure u again? pls tell me wad to do? and blog thx for lending ya body to write somethings despite me being such a sadist all the time. truely, im sorry :(
