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Was I Wrong To Lie?

Wednesday, January 19, 2005, 11:40 PM

Haiz....today after coming back from NYP, to consider it good or bad, i saw her at TM. The timing was so right that when i walk in to the TM mac, i have a feeling that sombody will stare at me n when just this feeling came, i turn to my right n at the same time she lifted her head up. Its was how we first seen each other since we last seen each other on 2 dec. talking abt it make me feel guilty becuz i ruin her 16 bday. haiz...was i wrong to lie to her? i thought i have this plan prefectly work out that i could avoid her to forget her, but it now has all gone down to the drain. i was such a failure, plan a simple thing cant even plan it well. but aleast seeing her letting me know that she is fine it make me feel more happy maybe its becuz i miss her ba. everything seems to change since the day she is gone. i have already been considered a half day person since the day she told me 'we cant be together anymore'. i still cant learn to let go of her but i will try. while during the try out section of my life, ppl have said that i have change. ppl have say that i dun seems to smile as much as last time, i dun seems to talk as much as before already. is it true? have i change? i dunno. all i know now that if only somebody could provoke me now, i could only 100% make sure the guy wont be able to stand up anymore. knowing now wad i type here could nv bring back the past anymore. all i could do is to bottle up all my feelings n keep my tears from anybody. i have made a promise that i will nv cry infront of any other ppl anymore since the day i cry on her bday, maybe its not crying ba but its tearing ba. trying hard to face her without my face as nobody have really seen me cry out before. so i decided if i really have to let my tears flow, let it flow through my pillow n let it drift through the cotton wools n hope it can bring away all my memories. so nobody will be able to c my tears anymore.